Here is the new Rohit Shetty Film ‘Sooryavanshi’ trailer…and all we can say after watching this is that perhaps Rohit Shetty is trying to create his own Indian version of Marvels’ Cinematic Universe.
Anyways, unlike Avengers, the trailer is so disturbing on so many levels, that we thought we should take each shot and analyze everything from start to finish. Else our reaction would be very similar to the bomb blasts listed by Devgn at the beginning of this trailer. So, here is a shot by shot list of everything that is wrong with this Rohit Shetty’s Cop Universe (Rest in Peace, MCU).
- The trailer begins with the narration by Ajay Devgan, who claims that Mumbai is the heart of India. Okay! Mumbai isn’t the heart of India. If it were to be labeled as an organ, it would be the lungs. Mumbai is more like the aggregate of India’s culture, the place where the all the cultures collide in a chaos. Mumbai is like the focus of a whirlpool, a whirlpool that sucks the culture of the entire country and makes them collect at one place.
Besides, Madhya Pradesh has already been labeled as the heart of India. You can’t just capitalize on someone else’s idea. That’s not cool.
- Ajay Devgan says that the responsibility to stop a terror attack on Mumbai was on the shoulders of “one” “Yoddha” of the anti-terrorism squad. Seriously? Could there have been a cheesier intro line?
By the way, in the trailer, Akshay Kumar steps out of a helicopter. Since when have the police, ordinary police been using helicopters for commute?
- Akshay Kumar says that police shoots not on the basis of religion mentioned in the passport, but on the basis of criminal record. Well, that’s a revelation! We were under the impression that the police needs no basis to shoot someone whatsoever…
- I know it’s a Rohit Shetty regular, but still we don’t understand which cop drives such fancy cars and manages to flip it completely over while driving, without hurting any of the hundreds of vehicles passing by?
- Well, there was one scene which we felt something for the lead actors. It’s the scene when Kumar says to Kaif “I’ve been shot”, and then falls into her arms. We felt bad. Not because of the situation, but because of the excessive Vicco Turmeric cream applied to both of them. Kaif still looked beautiful, because, well, let’s face it, she’s breathtaking. But the poor makeup all but highlighted Kumar’s fine but visible lines and wrinkles.
- Next we see the same old Kachra; Katrina Kaif dancing with a bunch of white and black girls and boys near helicopters (vehicles again), an ageing hero still romancing a woman half his age, still acting like a 20 year old, and in the very next shot we see Kumar playing with his son and wife on a picnic, cycling in rice fields of Orissa or Kerala or some such place, and then comes the serious shots. So you know that whoever is making the trailer has told you that Sooryavanshi has a hot wife too.
- Then comes the seriousness: in the next part, as Sooryavanshi narrates in the background that there are 40 sleeper cells operating in India, we actually see a bunch of known actors who will obviously play the sleeper cells (all good looking and perfectly groomed by the way), thus spoiling major plot points for us in the trailer itself.
Apart from this, there is a scene where a guy opens the door to what looks eerily similar to a storage unit, and inside we see 40 or so guys (all good looking and perfectly groomed by the way), actually standing in Saavdhaan position, holding machine guns, looking like a robot army ready waiting to get their orders so they can go ahead and start killing. I mean seriously! First of all, sleeper cells look like this,
And then, we know that they are ready to kill, but it’s not like until they have to, they stand in perfect rows in a closed storage unit with a gun in their hand. They’re not terminators.
- Then there is a scene showing various kinds of vehicles, every kind of vehicle you can imagine. There are cars, jeeps, police vans, helicopters, ambulances, rikshaw, bailgaadi, etc….
- Enters Javed Jaffrey, beginning with a voiceover. Speaking in a voice eerily similar to Amin Sayani’s “Namaste Beheno aur Bhaiyo”, he begins explaining how a tonne of RDX explosive material was brought to India, out of which SIRF 400 kilos were used to shake Mumbai to its core. Ok. 400 kilos is 40 percent of a tonne, almost half. So when you say 400 kilos of a tonne, please don’t prefix SIRF to it. It’s almost half.
- And then we see some more Kachra: Akshay Kumar chasing bad guys by jumping from roof to roof in Pakistan and making cars do perfect somersaults without harming any other people in European urban roads.
- Enters Jackie Shroff. Now, he has a towering personality, but he is also a good actor. We would have believed him as a lethal minded Pakistani, Pashtun or an Arab, whatever ethnicity they were intending, anyways. They didn’t have to smear his eyes with such heavy kajal.
- And then you see another bunch of Kachra action scenes.
- And then Akshay introduces Ranveer Singh. This he does by saying “Ye kaam ek hi kameena kar sakta hai”. Why does everyone introduce everyone as “Ek Hi…”? There is no job in the world that can be done by only one person in the world. It’s a mathematical improbability.
- Ranveer Singh makes an entry by breaking a door with his jeep. No, no, he is not driving it; he is sitting on the front hood of the car.
Where do we even begin with this?….Ok! Let’s say you are sitting n the front hood of a MOVING car, which is wrong on so many levels in the first place. But let’s forget that for a sec. But if you are sitting on the hood of the jeep, shouting victoriously, and the jeep breaks the door through its front end, the breaking door will hit you the most; the shards of wood would splinter your arms, body, it may scratch your corneas. Since you did not fold your legs, it may even break your legs. But of course, to watch a Rohit Shetty movie you have to forget everything you learned or know about physics.
- And then we see some more Kachra action, involving Ranveer Singh now (not to forget, Ranveer Singh looking perfectly groomed with perfectly gelled hair).
- And then Ajay Devgn is introduced by Ranveer Singh, at which point he enters in his signature manner; driving his tank, yes, TANK, in a circle and getting off it without stopping it (Rest in Peace, Dear Physics). Kumar actually asks Devgn as to why he always enters while driving his vehicle in a circle, to which Devgn asks him back as to why he always climbs on helicopters? This tells us Shetty knows how already over-the-top his action films are.
- And then some more Kachra action happens, like Ajay walking away coolly by a grenade that exploded right behind him, the cops firing machine guns in a perfect circle formation, Avengers style. Our condolences to Stan Lee.